The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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