Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
