did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
