You made me cry and you don't even care
a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
