He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
