Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
