last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I forgot how hot balto sounded
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
