He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
