I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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