K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
