I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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