It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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