The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
