nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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