If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
