Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
