When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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