does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
