Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
