What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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