Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
