I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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