I'm gonna have a badass scar
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Randomize
