capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
