you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
