some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
