I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
