Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
