It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
