i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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