Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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