shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
