We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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