Your tits are I can't wait for
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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