We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
