i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
