I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
