As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
