did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
