When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
