Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
