i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
