Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
