I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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