i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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