I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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