Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
