your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i was born a porn star she said
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
im having a threesome with these popsicles
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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