woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
