Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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