And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
