you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize