i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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