I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
