i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
