Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
