Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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