I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
