Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
