I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
