I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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