maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
sarcasm needs its own font
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
