I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
