Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
