She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
