so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize