my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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