it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
they're like a gay fantastic four
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
