my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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