Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
