im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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