Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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