nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
