I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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