Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
