Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
