I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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