Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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