my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We have started to decorate penises.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
