Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
