Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
