The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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