oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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