Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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