I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
