both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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