I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
